Miss Missing You
by Riveting Red Pants
Summary: Sam knows he can't be saved. He knows he has grown so numb he's not even himself. He's leaving before he hurts someone else, and this time, even Dean can't save him.


Miss Missing You

** Because Fall Out Boy and Supernatural and feels go together like Dean and pie, Cas and confusion, Sam and plaid. As always my loves, leave me a review. :) And also, I am always up for requests, lemme know what you want cuties. This fic is set in early Supernatural . . . probably around season two or three. The yellow eyed demon is still a concern. Lol, remember when things were that simple? **

_Baby you were my picket fence_

_I miss missing you now and again_

Sam lay, looking out the musty window of the tiny motel. His eyes blinked slowly, the bottle of pills clutched tightly in one hand. Dean couldn't save him from this. He couldn't save him from the demon, from himself. It was better he die now than have Dean get hurt later on trying to save him. Sam knew he wouldn't be saved. Sure, he'd hoped and prayed and even believed for a little while that Dean could. But he had come to the realization that it wasn't true. And he wouldn't give in to the demon's wants. He would beat the demon once and for all. The world started to get hazy, lines blurred, everything grew darker. Or was it just becoming night? Sam couldn't tell. He looked back outside. The sky was gray today, not a rainy sort of gray, like the sky when it was about to rain, but it couldn't make up its mind whether or not to. He blinked again, feeling how heavy his eyelids were. He had found a random motel, leaving no trace as to where he had gone. He had dead-bolted the door even. Dean wouldn't be able to track him down until it was too late. So Sam was very shocked when a loud bang made him look lazily from the picture of Jessica he couldn't remember taking out to the door, where a sweaty, panting Dean stood.

"WHAT THE HELL SAMMY!?" Dean launched himself at Sam and pried the bottle of pills from his fingers. Sam groaned.

"Nooo."

"I'll get you help. I can save you."

"I dun wanna be saved." Sam managed, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth. Dean wasted no time; he took out his cell and called 911. Forget the fact that he was now a wanted man, forget the fact that he would probably be taken into custody and put in jail after this. His brother was dying, and that wasn't supposed to happen. Not to Sammy. Dean threw his phone down and sat down on the bed, lifting Sammy's body up and resting his head in Dean's own lap. He held his hand. Dean had tears in his eyes.

"Why Sammy? Why would you try and-," Dean choked on the words. He saw the picture of Jess. "I thought you were over her. Why did you choose now to do this . . . over her?" Sam shook his head from side to side.

"You can't save me Dean."

"The police are on their way. Whether you want to be saved or not-,"

"No. You can't save me from the demon." Dean's eyes grew large.

"That's what this is about?" Sam closed his eyes and Dean squeezed him tighter.

"NO SAMMY! NO! YOU STAY WITH ME YOU HEAR ME? YOU STAY WITH ME!"

"What if . . . he made me be someone I'm not? I don't wanna change Dean."

"Sammy you have to stay with me or he's winning!" Sam felt the world slipping away, but more than anything he felt peace. At first he was worried about Dean, about how he would handle it. But this freed Dean. It was the best thing he had ever done for Dean.

"I love you Dean. Thanks for trying." He mumbled as his breathing slowed. The sound of sirens blared everywhere, but Sam slipped away. It was like he was hiding from them, playing a game from his childhood. _They can't get me._ He thought.

"SAMMY NO!" Dean was screaming somewhere in time now. Sam did feel bad all of a sudden. He hoped Dean would be okay. But as he turned the sirens and the screaming and the dark motels and demons and monsters and everything evil left him for good. He saw a warm glow, and three figures standing off in the distance. He started running towards them.

"Sam!" Someone said. Someone familiar.

"Jess?" Sam ran faster now, Jess was there, her arms open. Sam launched himself into them and breathed her in. "Jess I'm so sorry. All of this was my fault."

"Shh. It's okay now." She cooed, stroking his hair. "I never blamed you Sam. And neither should you."

"But if I had just told you . . ."

"What? I would've known what it was before it killed me? It wouldn't have made much of a difference." He kissed her cheek and her nose and her eyelids and her lips.

"I missed missing you." He told her, holding her tight to him.

"What do you mean Sam?" She asked, smiling.

"After a while . . . I just got numb. There was no more love, no more pain even. I was just numb. I haven't . . . I haven't missed you in a long time."

"Wow that's harsh."

"It's not like that . . ." He tried to explain. She giggled and kissed him again.

"I know Sam. I understand. I've missed you too." Then Sam saw two figures appear over Jessica's shoulder. His mother and father stood behind her.

"Mom . . . Dad?" Sam couldn't believe his eyes. Jess stepped away and let him rush to his mother and hug her.

"Sam. You weren't supposed to be here yet." Sam's dad said, strict as ever. For once Sam didn't feel like arguing with him.

"I'm sorry Dad. I just wanted to help Dean."

"Dean needs you Sammy." His mother said her eyes sad. Jess held onto him tight but his mother came forward and put a hand on his cheek. "We're sending you back."

"But . . . the demon."

"You can't run from your demons Sam. You have to face them." His Dad said.

"I can't Dad. He's going to change who I am."

"No one can change who you are Sam. You're the strongest person I've ever known. You can do this." Jess said, crying. "Now go."

"But I want to stay here with you."

"Sam you're being selfish. You need to go honey. Dean needs you." Finally Sam gave in, and hugged them all one last time and walked back into the darkness alone. Soon any feeling of warmth left him, and all was cold and painful.

_Beep . . . .Beep . . . .Beep . . . _Sam blinked his eyes open to the sound of a heart monitor and a large green pair of eyes. Inhumanly large really. he groaned, his throat felt like it was on fire, and his stomach felt queasy and empty.

"You're awake!" Dean's deep voice said, relief sounding in the words.

"My throat hurts." Sam croaked.

"Oh yeah? That's weird. Maybe it's from the tube they had to use to pump your stomach after you selfishly attempted suicide. Would you like some water?" Dean asked, sarcasm ringing in his voice.

"Yes?" Sam answered unsure, knowing there was a punch line to this. And there was, quite literally. Dean punched him in the face.

"DON'T YOU EVER TRY TO PULL SHIT LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!" Dean screamed as Sam held his nose that gushed blood.

"'M sorry!" Sam tried to say, spitting the blood out that ran down into his mouth.

"Sorry doesn't cut it boy! How dare you try and . . . and just . . . leave me!"

"I was trying to save you because you couldn't save me." Dean stopped and gave him a look, his mouth hung open and his eyebrows almost in his hair they were raised so high.

"You're an idiot Sammy."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

"Never again. Promise?"

"I promise." Dean turned to leave the room to call in a nurse for Sam's bloody nose.

"Dean?" Dean turned back around.

"Thank you for saving me." Dean rolled his eyes sarcastically but said,

"I will, time and time again. No matter what. Even if it's from yourself."


End file.
